I Don’t Have To Mask With Music

As an autistic person, I often face situations where I feel I am misunderstood.

This is why I sometimes feel that music is the only thing that truly understands me. With music, I am able to seek the emotional understanding I am seeking for.

When I am down, I would listen to Edward Elgar's Cello Concerto on repeat, following every note as the music went along as if my heart depended on it. I would feel like I understood every note, every word and every emotion in the piece.

The feeling of "being understood" by music is also what drove me to start songwriting and composing.

There is a deep feeling of fulfilment and connection that washes over me when a melody I hear that has been playing over and over again in my mind is finally turned to a piece of music.

Many times when I am heartbroken, I would turn to songwriting and spend hours listening back to the song I wrote, and finally feeling understood.

#Aspie, #Neurodivergent, #Vulnerable

I Live Without a “Box Around My Head”

As an Aspie, I live without a “box around my head”.

I see the world in black and white. For some, this may seem odd, but for me, it's simple. To me, there is much greatness with this clarity.

Being different or being a minority doesn't mean that one is deficient. I refuse to think that I'm deficient in the way I am born. It is just that I am different. As an Aspie, introvert and HSP, I function and flourish in different settings and environments than others.

Put me in a quiet place with plenty of nature and I am the happiest and most productive person. Put me in the city surrounded by loud noise, cars and crowds and I face burnout and sensory overload daily, becoming almost nonfunctional.

It's tough having to redo parts of your life, and sometimes, you can't and have to find a way to move on anyway.

There are many gifts in being an Aspie, HSP and Introvert. Many academicians and creatives are HSP and introverts, and people with Autism/Aspergers have come up with many innovative and thought-provoking ideas.

We all need each other. We are all essential and complementary.

I have been on a quest to live my life more authentically and let the world see me without the masks I've constructed for myself over the years to get by in an NT world. And I must admit, it's quite liberating.

#Aspie, #Neurodivergent

The First Piece of Clothing I Designed

This minimalist white modern kurta top was one of the very first pieces of clothing that I designed.

I was looking for something very specific - something functional, easy to match (I don't like spending a lot of time figuring out what to wear), comfortable, doesn't wrinkle easily, can be worn casual or formal, and represents my cultural identity and roots. But I couldn't find it in the stores.

So I decided to design it myself.

Here I am wearing my white minimalist modern kurta top. I paired it with a pair of black vegan leather jeans and white loafers. Yes, I'm a loafers girl forever!

This kurta top is exactly what I was looking for. It checks all the boxes. Functional, easy to style, comfortable, and it connects me to my cultural heritage. I'm so glad I took the time to design this piece myself instead of just settling for what was available.

Sometimes you just can't find what you need, so you have to create it yourself. I'm proud of this minimalist kurta design. It's become a wardrobe staple for me.

Coping Strategies for an Autistic Life: Managing Sensory Overload and Burnout

As an Aspie, I've had to be proactive about managing my energy levels and sensory needs every day. Being diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult made me realize that I experience the world much more intensely - I feel, see, and hear things on a deeper level. This means I get easily overwhelmed and exhausted in social situations and noisy environments.

That's why having a solid daily routine and rituals is so important for me. They help keep me grounded, focused, and in a good mental and physical state. I wanted to share the strategies that work for me, in case they can help you too.

Morning Routine

My mornings set the tone for the rest of my day. I start the night before by ensuring I get to bed early. Then I wake up and take time for self-care, re-visit my plan for the day and have a nourishing smoothie. I also spend a lot of time organizing myself throughout the day, which helps with executive functioning.

Scheduling & Planning

I plan out my week in advance on Google Calendar, factoring in my sensory needs and social commitments. I then rewrite everything by hand in my paper planner (Hemlock & Oak Weekly). This helps me avoid over-scheduling and ensures I have enough breaks. I also minimize screen time as much as possible.

Journaling Writing

Writing down my thoughts, feelings, and gratitudes is incredibly therapeutic for me. It allows me to process my emotions, which can often go unnoticed due to my alexithymia. Journaling also helps me problem-solve when I'm feeling anxious or overwhelmed. I love using black Sharpie felt pens for this.

Sensory Regulation

Noise is my biggest sensory trigger, so I always carry my Bose noise-cancelling headphones. They're a lifesaver in overstimulating environments. I also find great comfort in certain scents, like jasmine and rose, which I carry with me. Plush robes and furry slippers also provide calming sensory input.

Nature & Movement

Connecting with nature through walks and hikes is essential for my wellbeing. I also love the rocking motion of swings and Pilates reformers - it builds strength and has a very soothing effect on me.

Exercise

Pilates reformers are a favorite activity as the rocking motions have a calming effect on me.

Digital Detox

I'm very sensitive to digital stimuli, so I'm intentional about limiting my screen time and exposure to EMFs. I wear blue-light blocking glasses and turn off WiFi, TVs, and other devices before bed. I unplug every weekend and keep my phone turned off every day. My dream is to live completely unplugged.

Self-Care

Prioritizing sleep, silent time, and a healthy diet are crucial for managing burnout. I make a cut-off time to end my work at 6pm every day. Connecting with nature is my ultimate reset button.

Finding ways to navigate my sensory needs has been life-changing. It's allowed me to stay grounded, productive, and socially engaged in a way that works for me.

I hope these strategies provide a helpful starting point for you as well.

Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all approach - it's about discovering what works best for your unique autistic experience.

#Aspie, #Neurodivergent

My Sensory-Rich World

Feeling every whisper and breeze, I'm often overwhelmed by life's constant noise.

As someone with Aspergers, my senses are extremely sensitive. It's like seeing and hearing everything in 4D, all the time.

While social interactions can be tough for me as an autistic person, my unique perspective brings strengths like attention to detail and deep focus on my interests. However, unaesthetic visuals, loud noises, strong smells, uncomfortable textures, bright lights, and excessive socialization can be Kryptonite to my Central Processing Unit (my brain).

I have a love-hate relationship with sounds. As a songwriter, I find great joy and inspiration in working with different sounds. However, there are times when certain noises can be truly draining for me. I've come to recognize two distinct categories of sounds in my experience. On one hand, there are sounds that bring me a sense of joy and relaxation, like the captivating music from my Gamelan classes. These are the sounds that energize and rejuvenate me. On the other hand, there are sounds, such as mechanical noises, that can feel utterly overwhelming and disruptive. These are the types of sounds that tend to drain my energy and leave me feeling unsettled. It's an intricate balance, but learning to navigate this love-hate relationship with sounds has been an important part of my journey as a neurodivergent artist.

Being highly sensitive to sensory input is often seen as a weakness, but I believe it's actually a gift for autistic individuals like myself.. It enables me to think outside the box and perceive things that others might miss. I also find solace and inspiration in solitude and silence, which is where I truly thrive. However, the sensory overload can be debilitating, leaving me with headaches and a feeling of impending panic.

Despite the challenges, I still manage to overcome the struggles and pick myself up again. A little silence might help do the trick and calm me down. Additionally, here are 10 personal tips that may help you whenever you find yourself in a similar situation:

1. Go to a quiet place. Remove yourself from overwhelming sensory input.

2. Do not suppress your emotions. Cry if you need to release the built-up tension.

3. Do not be afraid to seek help or accommodations when you're feeling overwhelmed.

4. Take time to enjoy your special interests - they can be soothing and restorative.

5. Schedule periods of doing absolutely nothing to allow your mind to rest and recharge.

6. Prioritize taking regular naps to help manage sensory fatigue.

7. Plan your schedule a week or month ahead to avoid back-to-back sensory/social activities.

8. Unplug for a full day, weekend, or even a week to give your senses a much-needed break.

9. Unsubscribe, remove notifications, and streamline communication to one platform, like email.

10. Avoid crowded places and background music when possible to minimize sensory overload.

I hope this provides a glimpse into the daily life of an Aspie. I know it's a lot of work, but it's a choice I don't have. Many people are unaware of how much we strive to appear "normal." Regardless, I am proud and happy to have Aspergers, and I truly love myself for it - gifts, flaws, and all.

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Alien in a Neurotypical World: One Aspie's Story of Finding Belonging

Feeling like an alien from another planet. That is how I have always felt my whole life.

I've always felt misunderstood. Not sometimes, but always, and for a long time, I didn't know why.

Growing up, I felt awkward and out of place.

I excelled academically, but I didn't enjoy school. I didn't like crowds or noise. I just didn't fit in. I had a really tough time understanding the people around me. I felt like an alien on another planet.

Books were my constant companion, blocking out the noise, people, and confusion. I carried them everywhere - to family gatherings, the store, school, in the car. With books, I could be myself.

When I finally found out I have Asperger's as an adult, it felt like someone had switched on the lights for me. I felt a huge sense of relief and was finally able to understand and know myself. Although, there were nights where I would cry uncontrollably at the thought that nobody would ever be able to understand me.

I am blessed to have close friends now, and I've also been lucky to meet other Aspie friends who do understand me. It has been a very long journey, but finally, I have come to accept myself for who I am and love myself for me.

"Be your unapologetically weird self." - Chris Sacca

#Unity #Neurodivergent

I Hyperfocus Therefore I Am

NT: No work after 6 pm today. Do something relaxing.

Me: Okay.

(The next day.)

NT: What did you do last night?

Me: I watched personal development videos.

NT: I thought I said relaxing.

Me: But it is relaxing for me.

NT: (Slaps forehead) Come on, let's try this again. Stop working and eat this meal I prepared for you now.

Me: Okay, just give me one more minute to finish up this task.

(Three hours later.)

NT: Did you end up eating the meal I made for you?

Me: Uh, one more minute...

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Confessions of a Social Escapist

Words that immediately make me start planning my escape route:

• Socializing

• Networking

• Weddings

• Large family gatherings

What about you?

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Shhh...I'm Eating: Managing Sensory Overload in Restaurants

Me at a restaurant:

Me: (To the waiter) Can you bring all my dishes out at once with the check? You don’t need to come by my table anymore. I’ll let you know if I need anything else, deal? And can you turn down the music, too? I’ll leave you a big tip.

Waiter: You sure make my job easy.

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Rearranging the Doctor's Office: Confessions of an Aspie in the Waiting Room

Psychologist: Would it have bothered you if the water feature in the waiting room had been turned on?

Me: (Thinking to myself) How does she know what I'm thinking???

Psychologist: Does this tabletop look okay to you?

Me: Well, since you asked... I think the printer should go a little more to the left, the stack of books a couple inches to the right. I'd move the black bowl next to the Buddha statue, and maybe move the candle out in front of them. I'd also rearrange the flowers in the vase and then move it over there. (Starts to stand up) Actually, why don't I just do it for you since I'm here?

Psychologist: (Clears throat) No, thank you, that won't be necessary. Please sit down. (Scribbles notes in her pad)

Me: (Feels a deep sinking feeling, realizing the possible revelation)

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Nap Time at the Party: Confessions of a Socially Exhausted Aspie

Me at social events:

Me: I need a nap.

NT: Again?

Five minutes later.

NT: (Cracks door) You need to come down and talk to people. This is your fifth nap today. Everyone is starting to look at me funny.

Me: How about if you tell them I need to get to bed early? I am an early to bed, early to rise person. It’s the truth.

NT: Yeah, but it’s only 6pm. (Slaps forehead)

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Aspie Problems: When Your To-Do List Includes Tasks 12 Months Away

NT: What are you doing?

Me: Looking for hiking shoes.

NT: But our hike isn't until next year.

Me: Precisely. I like to plan ahead so I'm not scrambling at the last minute.

NT: Okay, I see. What are you doing now?

Me: Packing for my trip.

NT: But your trip isn't until next month.

Me: Precisely. Planning eliminates stress!

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Aspie Problems: Navigating the Minefield of Unspoken Expectations

Aspie problems:

• Doing too much.

• Doing too little.

• Doing nothing when something is expected.

• Doing something when nothing is expected.

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Journaling as a Neurodivergent Coping Mechanism

I recently discovered that journaling can be a form of stimming for me. It's not always that I want to write - sometimes it's simply the physical act of feeling the pen glide across the paper that I crave.

Throughout the day, I find myself writing constantly - my to-do lists, my schedule, my ideas. But I also really enjoy the practice of journaling, both in my productivity journal and my personal journal. Though I don't do it as consistently as I'd like, there are periods where I journal every single day, and other times where I stop for a while.

When I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed, physically writing out my to-do list or planning my day or week in my paper planner helps give me clarity. There's something about the act of putting pen to paper that allows me to organize my thoughts and not feel as bogged down by everything I need to do.

When I'm feeling troubled or confused, I often turn to my journal. I know from experience how effective it can be for problem-solving. Writing down my thoughts and asking myself questions helps bring up the answers I'm seeking. Sometimes I'm surprised by what comes out - I often have those "aha" moments, new ideas, and important discoveries.

My journaling takes many forms - sometimes it's a literal pros and cons list, other times it's just a stream of consciousness exploring a particular issue or topic, like energy management. There are even occasions when I avoid journaling, even though I know I need it, because I'm afraid of what might come up. But I'm trying to be more gentle with myself about that - the truth is always better, and writing it down sets me free, even in the toughest moments.

Journaling is a way for me to be a friend to myself. It reminds me to take the time to recover, to feel, and to press the pause button when I need to. As a neurodivergent individual, it's a practice that serves me well.

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Inside the Aspie Brain: Logic, Logic, and More Logic

How My Aspie Brain Thinks:

• Is this logical?

• What's the logic behind this?

• The logical thing to do is...

How My Aspie Brain Handles Problems:

Me: What's the solution?

NT: Sometimes, people just want to talk and vent.

Me: (Cannot compute) Why would emotions be part of this?

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Aspie Problems: The Pain of Being Misunderstood

For an Aspie, pain is:

• When people think you're lying when you are telling the truth, just because you're not facially expressive or don't make eye contact.

• When people think you're unemotional and lack empathy because you sound monotone when you speak.

• When people get mad at you because they use subtext and you don't understand why, since they are not communicating directly and literally.

• When people think you're pretending not to understand them, when you really aren't.

• When people think you're lazy or just trying to get attention when you truthfully do not understand something or are asking many questions in order to understand.

• When you share your honest feelings and people don't believe you because you're so matter-of-fact about it.

• When you lose a friend and don't know why.

• When people take advantage of your honesty and kindness.

• When you do something that's not required, or don't do something that is.

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Aspie Problems: Decoding the Dreaded "How Are You?" Question

Questions I just don't understand:

"How are you?"

"What's happening?"

"How's it going?"

Too many variables. Cannot compute.

Thoughts that go through my head when somebody asks me one of those questions:

Do you mean what's happening right now?

How much do you want to know?

Do you really care or are you just being polite?

Will you dislike me if I said XYZ?

Am I being too personal if I say that?

Can my answer be on a scale from one to ten?

When the Universe Switched On The Lights

When I found out I had Asperger's, it was as if the Universe switched on the lights after I had been crawling in the dark my whole life.

It was both a relief and a revelation. Finally, everything made sense. There is nothing wrong with me. I am not a bad person. I am not stupid. I am simply born with a different type of brain.

I cried intense tears of joy. I also cried intense tears of sadness. I cried because I felt a deep sinking confirmation of what I've felt my whole life. I thought I would grow out of it. I thought maybe one day I would feel and be accepted. But no. Now I know, nobody, not even my closest ones, will ever fully understand me. And I will never understand them.

The feeling I’ve always felt - the feeling of being an alien, and the feeling of being misunderstood - is now here to stay for the rest of my life.

However, I am an optimist. I refused to believe that this would be my fate. I started to think of solutions - my typical Aspie brain. How could I find other Aspies? If I found them, would I finally feel understood?

So I forged on my new quest - finding my tribe. I had no idea how I could go about doing this. Nobody is walking around with Aspie name tags. I despised digital communication, so I decided to use The Law of Attraction.

Surprisingly, I started to meet people who were Aspie, though they didn't even know it yet. The funny thing is, they discovered their true identity through me being open about my own Asperger's. I love it when by being vulnerable, others are able to be open about who they truly are too.

Early 2020, I started my MeetUp Group. There I got to meet even more Aspies. I didn't feel like an oddball. I didn't feel misunderstood. Finally, I am not alien. Not the one who never seemed to fit in.

I found Aspie Planet. My planet. And here, I can be myself. No masking necessary.

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Really Weird at Parties

(NT and Aspie arrive at a house party)

NT: Okay, so here we are.

Aspie: What's the objective again?

NT: Well, the objective is to have fun.

Aspie: How do I do that? I don't find parties fun. It actually causes me a lot of anxiety...

NT: Not all parties are "fun" fun, there are hits and misses, but they can be enjoyable for most people. You get to meet new folks, hang out with the crowd.

Aspie: Okay. And why would I want to do that?

NT: To make new friends, new connections, network, make contacts.

Aspie: I see. To make contacts. That could prove helpful.

NT: Yeah, but this party is not really about that. Here we just relax and have fun, meet people, that's it.

Aspie: (*pause) But I don't like people.

NT: Um, well, there's always food... sometimes dogs and cats, maybe even books.

Aspie: Yeah, okay.

NT: Alright, let's go.

(15 minutes later)

Aspie: Hey, I'm leaving.

NT: Yeah, okay. See you tomorrow.

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Masking 101: Lights! Camera! Action!

I was thinking about the conversations I had with my Asperger's group about masking. It was really interesting and challenging. Many of us in the group mask so much that we can't even tell the difference between our masked selves and our real selves.

This is especially true for those of us who work in entertainment, like actors. As autistics, we're constantly acting and performing - masking ourselves. And as actors, it's our job to be someone else. So how do we know which personality is the real us?

I think it would be really helpful to talk more about this with a group of other autistic actors. It would be great to hear their experiences and insights.

PS. If you're an autistic actor, feel free to reach out to me. I'd love to connect and explore this topic further together.

#Aspie #Neurodivergent