Aspie Problems: Decoding the Dreaded "How Are You?" Question

Questions I just don't understand:

"How are you?"

"What's happening?"

"How's it going?"

Too many variables. Cannot compute.

Thoughts that go through my head when somebody asks me one of those questions:

Do you mean what's happening right now?

How much do you want to know?

Do you really care or are you just being polite?

Will you dislike me if I said XYZ?

Am I being too personal if I say that?

Can my answer be on a scale from one to ten?