I Am

I am...

• an Aspie

• a singer-songwriter

• an introvert

• HSP (Hyper-sensitive person)

• a nature lover

• vegan

• a global citizen

• a hermit

• human (sometimes an alien depending who you ask)

• literal and direct

• honest

• creative

• here to inspire unity through music, film and fashion

Dreaming for the Unplugged Life

This past week has been a bit challenging for me. My dad asked me to call him every day for his birthday, and I really wanted to give that to him. I wish we could have been together in person in a sensory-friendly place. But we're not - he lives in a city, and I can't live there. So this wish request was really hard on me. Talking on the phone drains my energy so much. I faced several burnouts and meltdowns trying to fulfill his wish. It's not surprising that I felt guilty for not being able to sustain it.

You see, I am very sensitive to electromagnetic fields (EMFs) from things like phones, computers, TVs, and WiFi. It drains and depletes me. That's why I always put a blanket over my TV when I move somewhere new, and I make sure to turn off my WiFi router at night.

To help with this, I have a new nighttime routine. I unplug my microwave, router, TV, and shut down my iPad and iPhone before bed. This has really helped me sleep deeply and feel more rested.

It was hard to give up my Bose noise-cancelling headphones, but I think the EMFs from them were causing me issues too. Now that I live outside the city, I don't need them as much. But I'll probably get a new pair if I have to go back into the city, especially for trips to the grocery store - those darn background music drives me up the wall!

Finding EMF-free tech is an ongoing challenge, but it's really important for my health. I'm hoping that as more people become aware of this, companies will start making better products for sensitive people like me.

It's not always easy, but I'm learning to embrace my sensitivity. Being a sensitive person has its own strengths and benefits, and I'm grateful to be on a journey of self-discovery.

I am still dreaming of living a fully unplugged life one day...

#Vulnerable

Landing on the Planet Where I Belong

Nobody will understand me,

Except my autistic friends.

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

The Cliff and The Sea

I woke up from a disturbing nightmare this morning. I've been having this dream a few times over the past weeks.

In the dream, I was a passenger in a small car, driving up a mountain with someone close to me. We were enjoying the beautiful scenery - the ocean, the colorful sunset, the dramatic clouds. It was a peaceful, serene moment.

But then, suddenly, the car went right over the edge of a cliff. We were plummeting down towards the deep water below. It happened so fast, I didn't even see the cliff coming.

As I sat trapped in the sinking car, I panicked. I tried to stay calm and figure out how to escape, but the pressure of the water was too much. I could feel myself running out of time, the fear of drowning overwhelming me.

Even as I was facing this terrifying situation, the image of that beautiful sunset was still stuck in my mind. It was almost like a cruel contrast to the horror I was experiencing.

And then I woke up. The nightmare was over, but the unsettling feelings remained. I'm not sure what this dream represents - maybe some deeper anxiety or fear in my life. Or maybe it's just my subconscious processing everyday stresses.

I'll hold onto the hope that if I ever do find myself on the edge of a metaphorical cliff, I'll have the strength to find my way back.

#Vulnerable

When a Burglar Becomes an Unexpected Declutterer: My Story of Letting Go

Coming home to find you've been burglarized is a real shock. Your safe space, your sanctuary, has been violated. That's exactly what happened to me recently, and while it left me stunned and scared, it also brought an unexpected sense of relief.

At the time, I was living in the city, constantly moving around due to circumstances beyond my control. When I realized someone had broken in, my first thought was at least they hadn't made a mess. As a neat freak, that was a small comfort.

The burglar was meticulous, selectively taking only a few key items - my high-quality microphone, some sentimental jewelry, a valuable camera, and my bicycle. As a minimalist, I don't accumulate many expensive possessions, so the loss didn't sting as badly as it could have. In fact, I felt a growing sense of relief wash over me.

You see, some of those stolen items were reminders of a past relationship I had moved on from. I'd been struggling with what to do with them, feeling guilty about letting go. But now, the decision had been made for me. The items were gone, and I no longer had to worry.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely felt violated. The idea of someone going through my personal space is deeply unsettling. I've since taken steps to prevent it from happening again. But as someone who tries to see the positives, I couldn't help but find the silver lining.

Perhaps the burglar needed those things more than I did. And in letting go of the material attachments, I was able to focus on what truly mattered - my sense of safety and the items that held real, personal value. The camera and jewelry may have been gone, but my microphone, my music, my sanctuary - those were the things that defined me.

And in this case, the burglary allowed me to shed the weight of possessions I no longer needed, freeing me to focus on what truly mattered.

#Vulnerable

What is it About The Trees?

What is it about the trees

That makes my heart dance?

Where you and I vanish,

Where we become one.

The color green, the color of love,

The color of Mother Earth.

Where I come from and will return—

Speaking to me in every language.

Don’t you love us anymore?

I gave you life, they say

I sit, stare, hugging them, listening to the birds

Their song, straight to my heart.

I yearn to be with them

I cry when it’s been too long

Wisdom, beauty, strength

They teach me this and more.

Walking among them, I feel love

What is it about trees that makes us one?

#Vulnerable

Honoring My Ancestors

Lately, I've been reflecting a lot on my ancestors - the wars they fought, the threats they survived, the pain of being separated from loved ones. These thoughts remind me of the immense sacrifices they made for their children and grandchildren. It encourages me to always do the right thing and never compromise my morals. After all, it's because of their hard work and selflessness that I'm here today. Failing to live up to my potential would be a dishonor to their legacy.

I'm proud of my mixed Malay and Indian heritage. My paternal grandfather, in particular, was a role model for me - a disciplined, hardworking man who rarely missed a day at the office, even exercising until the day he died at 86. Like many before him, he left his ancestral home in Gujarat to seek a better life in Malaysia.

My grandparents were not only hardworking, but incredibly selfless. They would often eat just rice and curry so that my father and his six siblings could share the only piece of fish. And when it came time for my father to study overseas, his older brother sacrificed his own education to help support the family business, so that my father could afford to go.

On my mother's side, the story is equally inspiring. My mother was drawn to music as a child, but her strict, no-nonsense grandfather saw piano lessons as a luxury they couldn't afford. Still, he found a way to bring an old grand piano into their home, so that my mother could at least have the instrument, even if she couldn't take lessons. Years later, that same piano became a daily part of my childhood, introducing me to the world of music. My mother may not have had the opportunity, but she ensured I did.

When our elders share these stories of hardship and sacrifice, it's not to make us feel guilty, but to teach us the value of what we have. These tales of resilience and selflessness inspire a deep sense of humility and duty within me. I'm determined to carry on their legacy, to fight for a better tomorrow, so that their sacrifices were not in vain.

To my ancestors, I say thank you. Thank you for all that you've fought for, all that you've endured. It's because of you that I'm able to pursue my dreams and fulfill my calling. I'm eternally grateful for this precious gift of life.

#3rdCulture #Vulnerable

Life As An Alien

My father would fondly call me an "alien" when I was a child - I guess he knew I was autistic before I did. I've always seen the world a little differently. Growing up, books were my refuge - they shielded me from a world where I often felt misunderstood. You see, I've always been a curious child, constantly questioning things. But when I asked too many questions in class, teachers and students saw me as difficult, rather than just inquisitive.

Social norms have always been a mystery to me. I didn't understand why my friends were so obsessed with tracking down every detail about a boy in a band they liked, or why another friend loved shopping so much. The whole concept of dating and flirting? Completely abstract to me.

As I got older, books alone couldn't protect me from feeling lonely and isolated. But then I found music - the one thing that truly understands me. When I play my piano or cello, it's as if the instruments are responding to my emotions. The music I create mirrors how I feel.

It was only a few years ago that I was diagnosed with Asperger's. Finally, I had an explanation for why I'd always felt like an alien in this world. The diagnosis was illuminating - I could understand why I was so misunderstood. It was such a relief to find someone who finally got me.

After my diagnosis, I dove into learning about Asperger's. I read everything I could, feeling like I was reading my own memoirs. Authors like Temple Grandin and Tony Attwood became my heroes. Connecting with other Aspies have also been a game-changer. Knowing I'm not alone has made me feel less lonely.

These days, I embrace who I am. Sure, being an Aspie comes with its challenges, but it's also a big part of what makes me unique. I may process the world differently, but that's okay. I'm proud to be part of this wonderful, misunderstood community. In fact, I'm proud to be an alien - we autistics are a special breed, and we're here to change the world.

#Aspie #Neurodivergent